A Delhi RWA Sounds The Bgule | LK Sharma

SATIRE

by L K Sharma

The Modi-devotees applauded the Jangpura Extension Residents Welfare Association for asking the Congress leader Mani Shankar Aiyar and his non-resident daughter to move out of the colony for hurting the religious sentiments of the Hindus. (Ms. Suranya Aiyar had provoked the RWA by going on a fast for communal harmony and expressing her views on Ayodhya’s new Ram Temple.) The RWA President got hundreds of bouquets and one brickbat. The IT Cell came out in support of the RWA. Here is a random selection of the social media posts:

Congratulations for issuing the notice to the Congress leader! You went where ED and CBI have not gone. Your commitment to Hindutva has been noted by the top leadership and the party would invite you to fight the parliamentary elections.

You have set an example for other RWAs. As a poll strategist, I am factoring in the role of RWAs in my presentation to the Prime Minister. I am sure he would call upon the RWAs to do their sacred duty. Every RWA President will be made Panna Pramukh for the elections. The Government may introduce a top civilian award for the RWA President who collects the highest number of residents behind the Hindutva flag.

We in this colony cannot tolerate the sickular residents. We thank you for warning the anti-Hindutva elements out to abuse Hindu beliefs. Now no one would dare to defile a sacred Hindu ceremony.

I am broadcasting your message to millions of my subscribers to ensure that Mani Shankar Aiyar pays for his daughter’s sin and does not get a house in any city. We live in Jangpura and are ready to fight a jang against sickular residents.

Please launch an inquiry into the conduct of the RWA past president who allowed the entry of Mani Shankar Aiyer into this colony. We should make the conditions for admission stricter.

I want to fast on next Tuesday. It is for worshipping Lord Hanuman, not for communal harmony. I need the RWA’s permission in writing to avoid any controversy later.

I am inspired to move to Jangpura following your bold stand. I see an opportunity in the coming distress sale of his house by Mani Shankar Aiyar. Please keep me informed.

One member, who fought the association election against you, sends messages admiring Nehru and Gandhi. You will face this sickular man again when you seek re-election. Clip his wings now.

Please launch an inquiry into the conduct of the RWA past president who allowed the entry of Mani Shankar Aiyar into this colony. We should make the conditions for admission stricter.

I want to fast on next Tuesday. It is for worshipping Lord Hanuman, not for communal harmony. I need the RWA’s permission in writing to avoid any controversy later.

The loud noise of Pop music coming from my neighbour’s house disturbed me last night. Would you please ask House No. 654 to play some Ram Bhajans instead?

My wife has started watching dirty pictures. If the RWA issues a notice in this regard, she may stop this activity.

My neighbour invited me for a havan conducted by an Arya Samaj Pandit. After the havan, the Pandit gave a pravachan. His tirade against idol-worship, coming in the wake of the consecration of the grand Ram Temple, shocked us. The Association should stop such activity as it hurts our religious sentiments.

I am letting out my house for which the highest offer has come from a low-caste person. I do not believe in casteism. I hope you will clear the tenancy. Some associations have a problem with single women. Please share with me the RWA blacklist of castes and religions.

You warned one resident against spreading secular propaganda in our WhatsApp Group. He stopped posting subversive material. Now, the resident of House No. 592 has started the same mischief. RWA must stop him.

I am glad to note that most of our residents are pucca deshbhakt. They forward the posts on the Hindutva plan of action and our beloved Prime Minister’s latest photo. One TV fellow calls them WhatsApp Uncles to malign them.

The radio set in our community club is not working. This Sunday, we missed the popular Man ki Baat programme. Please install a new set before next Sunday.

After your recent public warning, some of us held a secret meeting and decided to regularly report to you every undesirable activity in the colony. Last night, a police constable visited my neighbour on the right. Some fishy things are going on. Please investigate.

As an ever-vigilant deshbhakt, I spotted two communist leaders and a Chinese-looking man coming out of my neighbour’s house at 11.30 last night. Earlier, I heard these people making subversive speeches.

I appreciate your constant vigilance. I saw a mini-skirt-clad woman coming out of the House No. 420 last night. My religious sensibility was deeply hurt. Also, my female neighbour has started coming home past midnight. Please keep an eye and act.

Of late, all kinds of people have started buying houses in this colony. RWA must get to know their antecedents. They should be asked to fill a questionnaire about their religious and political beliefs. I am glad you demanded the Aadhar Card in one case. Please insist on the marriage certificate and copy it to all original members for the sake of transparency. Our beloved Prime Minister suggested that the password for the mobile phone should be shared by every member of the family. This way we can keep an eye on the younger generation. It should be made compulsory in the colony.

The House No. 491 has a JNU professor. He may be trying to brainwash youngsters. I hate that university even though our respected Prime Minister has made two former JNU students ministers.

You must inculcate the Hindutva spirit more deeply among the residents by levying the Ram Temple Cess. If any resident does not pay, he should be asked to leave the colony.

Your call for having Jai Shri Ram chanting sessions every Tuesday got an excellent response. RWA must organise a free visit to Ayodhya for Ram Lala’s darshan. There is a Government scheme for such trips. Please apply.

A Sunder Kand Path will be held at my house on Sunday. Hope RWA will organise the prasad for the participants. We have set a record of holding such paths so this colony is eligible for a Government grant for establishing a temple in the compound.

A non-vegetarian dhaba has come up adjoining our colony. RWA must get it closed. Please treat it as URGENT.

The warning did not intimidate one resident who posted a critical message:

I was shocked to read your notice asking a family to move out because of the protest fast by someone who does not even live in our colony. Some RWAs have become an instrument of the communal forces instead of looking after the welfare of the members. Do not be encouraged by the current toxic atmosphere and the ruling establishment. You defamed one of our members who happens to be a Congress leader. You have no legal authority to issue such a firman. Please cease and desist before someone files a case against you. You know me as a sickular person but do not try this trick on me.